OUTLINE
0:00 Introduction to money shame and financial confidence
2:30 Tip 1: Owning your money story
5:15 Tip 2: Practicing self-compassion
8:45 Tip 3: Identifying root causes of financial guilt
11:30 Tip 4: Developing healthy money habits
14:00 Tip 5: Cultivating financial literacy
16:30 Tip 6: Building an emergency fund
19:15 Tip 7: Creating a comprehensive financial plan
22:00 Tip 8: Seeking professional guidance
25:30 Tip 9: Embracing long-term thinking
28:45 Tip 10: Celebrating financial wins
31:00 Conclusion and call to action
THE ERIN DAVIS SHOW
Welcome to the Erin Davis show where we talk all things money, mindset and confidence. I know that being in control of your money means that you can step into the rest of your life with confidence, because everything starts with confidence. But I also know that women carry a huge, invisible mental load when it comes to their money. Being an accountant for over 30 years, I know all the ins and outs when it comes to money, and just how heavy that emotional load can be. So while I love talking about money, for me, it goes so much deeper. While I want you to explore your relationship with money, I also want to show you how embracing connection, expansion and abundance will make you feel more centered, inspired and aligned. So are you ready? Let's get started.
Welcome to today's episode where we're going to talk all about money shame and how we can really break free from that cycle. So if you've ever felt embarrassed about your financial situation, maybe you've avoided looking at your bank account, apart from when you go to the checkout just to check and make sure you have enough cash in the account, or you've struggled with feeling guilt over past money decisions, then I really want you to know that you're not alone. I have definitely felt this in the past, particularly when I'm an accountant, and I have felt like I should have a better handle on my money, the way I behave with money, and the financial situation that I have found myself in.
So I know that we have a choice and opportunity to shift how we think, and particularly around this shame and guilt situation with money. I really want us all to build strong financial stability, and I know that when you can take actionable steps, it really does change the outcome. So in this episode, I've got 10 actionable tips that I really want to share with you to help you break free from this money shame so that you can build that strong, lasting financial stability. We're going to talk all about money stories, celebrating your wins, self compassion, education and really being very intentional with what you're doing with your money. Because, as you know, I love intention, actually, intentional action were my words for this year, and it has really put me in that space of being very deliberate and being on that path and trajectory. So let's get started. I have got these 10 tips to share with you, and I really feel like they can help you to feel confident in your decisions that you make with your money.
The first one is owning your money story. Now this may seem quite logical, though I really want you to take some time on reflecting on your past experiences. These past experiences really shape our financial beliefs, and it is looking more at that overall relationship that you have with money. Now it can be based on the societal influences that you have around you, you know, your friends and family influencing your behavior. It can also be based on religious beliefs. Maybe it's your job or your work situation. You know, we all know that media and advertising are a big influence, particularly when it comes to how we spend our money, how we behave about money, but it also influences how we feel about ourselves in relation to those behaviors we do. Government policies and taxation also influence our own money story. It may be social welfare programs and also your ability to access tech and technology you know, different apps that can help you. Maybe you have limited access to those things, or maybe there are just too many and you don't really know what to do. It can also be about setting aside those pre existing thoughts that you have and the emotional baggage that you're carrying about money.
Owning your story here is really just taking responsibility for your financial situation regardless of how it came to be. And I think that is a really important part, because we can't change what's happened in the past. However, we can accept where we're at and then make the choice. Is to to either keep that same story or stay on that same path or to change it. It is important, though, to understand how your past experiences have really influenced and shaped that current financial behavior. So that is the first part, or the first step, in this process to becoming more financially confident and breaking free from that shame. It is really owning your money story.
The second part is really practicing self compassion. You know, some of this stuff can be very confronting, and it can show a side of you that you may not like and you may feel very uncomfortable with, but I want you to treat yourself with kindness and compassion and understanding. You know your worth, your self worth, goes way beyond your financial circumstances, and I think we attach a lot of our self worth to what we have, what we've done, what we can do, what we can't do. But really, our self worth needs to come from a knowing that is deep within us that we are enough.
We are absolutely enough, just as we are and those external situations, behaviors, experiences, don't diminish our own self worth. And when we're talking about money, shame, it is really important to forgive yourself for those past financial mishaps or bad decisions, things that you've done that you're not necessarily proud of. And as I said before, being an accountant, this is something that I have really struggled with, the money shame around my financial situation, I have felt like I need to be better off. I need to have more financial wealth. I need to have more abundance, because I am an accountant, and I talk to people all day, every day, about their money, about their situation.
The thing is, though, that it's taking me time to realize that who I am as a person isn't determined, or isn't based on how much money I have in the bank. That doesn't determine my success. And as I've said in the past, success for me has been linked to money, which hasn't been healthy. So I have come to realize that things have needed to change, and I have changed them, and things feel very different now, but it has, as I said, taken me a while to accept the situation for what it is, acknowledge where I was, but then also decide that I didn't really want to stay in that space and that kindness and forgiving myself for past experiences has really been quite instrumental, I think, to be able to move past it and really step into this space where I now help other women to be able to move through their money stories and create that Financial stability that they're looking for. So as you go through any of these exercises in relation to overcoming the shame and the guilt that you have felt with money in the past, I really want self compassion to be at the top of the list. I want you to always come back to remembering that you are enough.
You are doing the best you can with what you have at the time, but also know that you have the ability to choose. You have the ability to decide if this is working for you, and if it is, then that's great. But if it's not, and it's leaving you feeling unsure of yourself, it's making you feel like you want more, but you're not quite sure where or how, then allow yourself to to open up to the possibility of maybe something can be different, because practicing this self compassion is such an Important part of moving through and changing your current relationship with money.
The third, the third point, is really identifying those root causes of your financial guilt. Now this is similar to the first one, which was owning your money story, but owning your money story is very broad. It's like that overall thing. Now we want to go deeper. We want to examine what it is that you're actually internalising about money, and I want you to recognise the patterns of behavior that really trigger the shame. This is coming back to the awareness piece that I have spoken about a lot in the past. Everything starts with awareness. Explore those origins of where that financial insecurity came from. Take a look back at when you can remember when you first started to feel like you weren't enough with money, or you weren't doing things well with money. Look deeper and go more specific, because when you can start to identify where those patterns have started from and recognize the triggers for when they will show up again, then it allows you to take back your power and have the ability to choose. These may be specific events or influences. Maybe it's people that have really contributed to your financial guilt over the years, because what we want to do is draw a line in the sand and be able to move forward. But in order to do that, we really need to acknowledge where we're at now, feel the emotion and then move through it. That is the third point, identifying those root causes of your financial guilt.
The next part is developing healthy money habits. We've identified where our money stories have come from. We've gone a little deeper in looking at those causes for the financial guilt. All the meantime, though, we’ve been practicing self care and compassion, but now we really want to start to develop some good money habits. These need to be very realistic financial goals. You need to create and stick to a money plan which you've created as money management is not a one size fits all. It's about taking the principles of what I need to do for me, doing what feels right, looking at what am I prepared to suffer for in being able to achieve the goals that I want, and really creating a money plan that is specific for you.
I also want you to be very mindful when you're spending your money and being grateful when you're receiving money. It is really about developing those healthy money habits so that you can build on them. Now you don't have to change everything all in one go. It's not about throwing everything out and starting afresh. If that works for you, that's great, but for most people, it can be hard and it can feel quite difficult. So what we want to do is set you up for success. We want to be able to build momentum and create those healthy habits which will put you in that good frame of mind, to be able to continue. Because we don't want to create something and then go gun ho for a month and then fall off the wagon, because then that fuels those feelings of failure. not enoughness, I can't do anything and that that's not what we want. We want to be able to build, slowly, create healthy habits and then just build the momentum and keep going forward.
So number five is cultivating great financial literacy. Now this is really about educating yourself. It's recognising where you don't understand. And you know, I get that that is hard, because we all know that we want things to change, but actually knowing where to start can be really hard and really challenging. So again, practicing self kindness and compassion and starting to educate yourself. You know, put yourself in positions where you can start to learn and expand your knowledge. Maybe that is looking for some online resources, maybe it is joining a group like my facebook group, The Confident Money Lounge, you know, putting yourself in situations where you can start to educate yourself as to what it is that is a good financial habit. What is something that works for you, what works for other people? And taking those parts that you're learning and then implementing it into your strategy and cultivating that real, comfortable level of financial understanding, because it is something that you can learn. It is not something you need to be scared of, but it is, again, starting small.
The next one is to start to build an emergency fund, because we never know what's around the corner. We don't know what's going to happen, and if you want to break free from the money shame and guilt that you've experienced in the past, it is really setting yourself up for things that may happen in the future. Now, your future self will be so grateful to your past self for taking the action to build an emergency fund. Now they say, three to six months worth of living expenses is great to have as an emergency fund. I would suggest you start small, start with a small savings goal, get that ticked off and then move to the next one. This all comes back to creating your financial plan, which we will talk about. But it's about being able to see that you can do these things. You know that positive reinforcement that you can do it and you can create an inroad you can create change, will lead you to creating a more sustainable financial future. So start with a small savings goal. Aim to build up to three to six months of living expenses and automate. Automate your savings so you can build that savings emergency fund consistently. We want to take you out of the equation, because, look, let's be realistic, stuff happens and we can get distracted, and before you know it, you're starting in January, and then all of a sudden, it’s Christmas again. I don't know if anybody else feels like that, but I definitely do that. All of a sudden, it's December again, and you think, how the hell do we get here again? But that's why you need to take you out of the equation. You need to set yourself up with systems and processes that allow for things just to happen automatically, and take the decision or the willpower out of it.
So set yourself up, build an emergency fund, and then the next point is create a comprehensive financial plan. Start to write down specific financial goals which are actionable, make them both long term and short term, and really start to connect into why these financial goals are important to you. Do they provide you with the time and the freedom to be able to do the things that you want? Does it just allow you the choice and then choice can give you what it is that you want? The important thing is that you are aware of what your plan is and change it. Be open to flexibility and be fluid. If your plans change or your priorities change, then it's okay to change what this financial plan and the financial goals that you're working towards are, you know, we don't have to just have it very rigid. It can be fluid. It can change. But the important thing is that you start to put it down on paper, actually write it down. There's a thing about actually connecting with writing rather than typing. Put yourself in a situation or in a place where you just are allowed to dream and think about what it is that you want and write it down. Put those down as your action points, because the more specific you can get, the more likely it is that you're going to stick to it. Don't just say, in six months time, I'm going to achieve this. Put it down as a date, 30 June, whatever that looks like, 31st of December, because the dates don't change. But six months can be very arbitrary and wishy washy and it can start at any point.
So we want to hold ourselves accountable and we want to start to get specific, the next part is seeking professional guidance. You know this could be a financial advisor, it could be your accountant, it can be any financial counselor, any financial mentor that helps you to take it up a level. You know, we've worked out our plan, we've started to get our financial literacy. We're creating our financial money habits, all while we're being very kind to ourselves. But there comes a point where you may need to seek guidance from external parties. The benefit of doing this is that they’re not emotionally connected to what's going on with you. We all know that the way we behave with money is very emotionally driven, because if it was logical, we'd all just do it and we'd get on with it. But it's not . Our decisions with money are usually very emotional ones. And I would challenge you, if you didn't think that, to have a look at where you are right now, and is this where you want to be? And if it's not where you want to be, why isn't it? What has led you down this path? And I would suspect that it comes back to those emotional decisions. It comes back to those money stories, owning your money story, really looking at those influences that have played out for you in the past, and whether that is working for you or not. So there comes a time when you need to seek external guidance. It depends on what your financial goals are and if you are in business that is really tapping into your accountant. Maybe it's your mortgage broker, maybe it is a financial planner, maybe it is a business coach who can really just challenge you and step you through those next level things, because it is so much easier to have a plan in place and work towards the plan, rather than looking backwards and trying to fix or solve what has happened in the past to create a good financial outcome.
I see it a lot that people may make a decision to buy or sell an asset, but they don't talk to their accountant until they've already done it. Now that’s too late. You need to speak to these people, these professionals, before you do something, because you need to put the plan in place. It's very hard to undo it, and there could be significant tax implications, tax consequences, which you're just going to have to put up with. If you haven't been made fully aware of the situation beforehand and planned and put the steps in motion, you can't undo a lot of things. So be very conscious of when you need to seek that professional help. And if you're not sure, then that may be the first step. That may be the conversation as well, this is what I've got going on. Do I need to speak to somebody and speak to your accountant. They will be able to point you in the right direction of what you need to do next.
I also think that valuing these professionals, advice and time is something that is really important. It can be said, like anything, that the fees charged are expensive and you find it hard to see the value. But I would challenge you to flip that to say, well, what is it providing me? It is giving me the financial confidence. It's providing me with that financial understanding and it's providing me with the plan that I know is going to be good for me in the future. So think about the way you're thinking about the fees advisors charge.
The next part is embracing that long term thinking. We want to think of building financial wealth as a marathon. It's not a sprint. We need to have that plan. We need to have regular check-ins. We need to decide, whether it be weekly, monthly, annually, what's working, what's not working. We need to be adaptable. We need to change. But it is also about building that momentum. So start to think of it as a long game. It's not a short time. It's not a short term thing. Building financial wealth is something that can happen very quickly, but we want it to be sustainable, and we want to change these habits that we have had for a very long time that have been very ingrained. So I want you to set the goals as manageable, achievable. Also include some stretch goals in there as well, because we want to put it down on paper, that's what we want, but build the momentum. Work up to it. Start small. I always say to my clients that, you know, the biggest test is, can you sleep at night? And if you’re up worrying about maybe the investments you've made, the stress that you've got, the credit card debt, the loans that you have, any of those things. If you can't sleep at night, then that is a warning sign that you need to do something different and things need to change for you.
I want you to focus on building wealth and overcoming this money shame as a long term game - it’s a long term thing. It’s not a sprint. It's a marathon, practice your delayed gratification. It's about saving for things. It's about setting up your savings goals, rather than opting for those, buy now, pay later, financing situations, maybe your credit card. But it's really about maintaining your perspective of what's important to you, particularly as things go up and down. Maybe you have a lot of money one month, but not so much the next month. Be consistent and stay on the path. You know you've created this path for a reason. It is for that long term goal. And the objective is that we want to create this long term financial confidence. So stay on the path.
And then the last part is to celebrate your financial wins. Acknowledge both the small wins and the big wins with any of these financial accomplishments that you make, because when we start to celebrate, we embrace those happy, joyful feelings, and this is what we want more of. We want to write down our financial success and we want to use these past wins as motivations for our future goals. Sometimes we can be looking at, well, what is it that we're moving towards, or what is it that we're moving away from? And when you can celebrate either one of those, creating the distance between yourself and what you don't want, will bring you closer towards what it is that you do want, and by implementing these 10 strategies, you can really start to break free from that money shame cycle that that we've been stuck in for a very long time.
To build lasting financial confidence is important, but it all starts as a piece of awareness that I am ready to step into something different and become what you need. You need to become what it is that you want. And start to think about, how do I want to be? What do I want to feel? What does this financial freedom or financial confidence look like for me? So I know this has been a lot, but I think breaking it down into those 10 steps or 10 tips is really important. And as I said, everything builds on momentum, and the more you're able to move away from that shame, the money shame, acknowledge where you're at, feel the emotion when you're there, but then decide to move forward. That is where you can really create the momentum to build that lasting financial confidence.
If this has been helpful. I do have a download that you can use. It is at www.erindavis.com.au/moneystrategy. It is really to just help you become more aware of where you are right now, and how you want to create more of the things that you want, because you need to get clear on what it is that you want. Otherwise it's like throwing spaghetti at the wall, right? You can just be carrying on. All of a sudden, a year is gone. All of a sudden, a decade is gone, and you feel like you're in the same position as what you were back then, as what you are now. And so now is the time to get really intentional about what it is that you want to leave the money shame behind and step forward into that lasting financial confidence.
Thanks for tuning in today. I really hope you enjoyed the show. If you did, head over and subscribe and also leave me a review while you're there. I would love to read it. Don't forget to share this episode with your audience and tag me on Instagram at Erin Davis. Underscore transform. If you need any more info from today's show, head over to Erin davis.com.au forward slash podcast, where you'll find all of today's show notes and links. See you next week on the Erin Davis show.
