ļ»æOUTLINE
[0:00 - 5:11] Introduction and Visionary Planning Day Announcement
* Speaker introduces the upcoming Visionary Planning Day event and its purpose.
[5:11 - 14:23] Embracing Financial Vulnerability
* Speaker outlines 5 key steps for overcoming money shame.
[14:23 - 24:10] Creating a Shame-Free Space
* Importance of open, judgement-free discussions about money.
[24:10 - End] Overcoming Money Shame and Encouraging Conversations
* Strategies for overcoming money shame and the value of open money discussions.
THE ERIN DAVIS SHOW
It's a great episode today!
I'm going to be talking about embracing financial vulnerability and overcoming that shame around money conversations. But before we get into that, I just want to remind everyone that I am having a visionary Planning Day happening very, very soon.
Now I invite you to slow down for a little while and create a really heart centred action plan which totally aligns with your unique vision. I want you to give yourself the luxury of space and time to create a beautiful 90 day roadmap for you and your business, and I know that it is super easy to get distracted and lose focus, because we all have so much going on, and it's hard to focus on that bigger picture, especially when you're so busy in the day to day running of your business.
So one thing I know for sure is that there is so much power in the pause, especially when you're in the most beautiful, calming and expansive location. And we are hosting this planning day at the beautiful Carrington house. So I invite you to join me, plus a small group of like minded women for a really beautiful and interactive day where together, we will connect, we will talk, we will share, and you will have the opportunity to create a really beautiful and aligned plan for your business and also reflect on the last 90 days, because I think we can learn a lot from what has happened, and then prepare ourselves to be focused on what we need to do going forward for the next 90 days. So if this sounds like something that you would like to do, I would love to have you along. All the details are at www.erindavis.com.au/planning
I will put the links in the show notes, but it really is just a beautiful, energetic exchange for creating such a unique and aligned, specific plan for your business. So I really hope that you'll be able to jump in and share some time with me.
So today jumping right in. We're going to be talking about embracing financial vulnerability and overcoming shame around those money conversations and there are five key things that I think are really important around this embracing financial vulnerability, and I'm going to go through those and share my experiences, but then also share with you some ways that you can overcome that money shame and how to move forward from it. Because it's one thing to acknowledge it and know where it all comes from, but really what we want is to be able to move forward from it.
So let's get into it.
The first part is really understanding your money shame. And it comes from discussing the concept of money shame. And I think shame in itself comes from that feeling of not being good enough, and it is a very internal and a very personal feeling that we have, but it's highlighted through our social interactions, our upbringing, every personal experience that we've had which can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety around money management.
Now, understanding where this money shame comes from is really important, because feelings, these type of feelings, are really common, and I would encourage you to be kind to yourself and not put so much pressure on yourself if you do have this money shame in the work that I do, I talk to a lot of women who are feeling this shame around not knowing and not understanding their financial statements, their money, like their personal budgets, their personal wealth, and they really feel like it is a personal failure. It's a reflection on them as a person, and it's and they find, well, they tend to define themselves as that, that they can't be.
Manage money, they don't know what to do, they don't understand it, and then the shame of not knowing means that they keep it hidden. And I think that that's a really important part, because when you're able to acknowledge where that shame has come from, it doesn't define you. It doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It just means that you don't understand and it's okay not to understand everything. So I think when we're talking about money shame, we really need to recognize those feelings of guilt and anxiety about our money and know that there are so many common influences from society and our expectations about having to know everything and about having to do everything, so the personal expectations and experiences that we have really go towards this money shame. So I think if you take some time to really tap into where that shame is coming from, most of the time, I would suspect it's not real. It's something that we feel internally and intrinsically.
And I get that there are people that do shame other people about not knowing about their money. However, a lot of the women that I speak to have come from an internal manifestation, and I suppose it's those society expectations that are really causing us to hold on to this and not step out into that space of what it is that we want to do and where we want to Be. So that's the first one. Understand your money shame and where it all comes from.
The next part is the impact of negative self talk. And I know there is a lot of discussion around self talk. However, I think the more that you start to realise what you're actually saying to yourself and acknowledge when it comes through, it will start to make a big difference about how you feel about yourself. Negative self talk, particularly around your money, can perpetuate those feelings of shame. So what I would encourage you to do is really focus on what it is that you're saying to yourself. It's about moving away from things like, I'm bad with money to more constructive affirmations, you know, adding yet to the end of a sentence means that it's not final. It means that you're learning, and it means that you have the opportunity and the space for growth.
But just saying, I'm bad with money, or I can never afford anything, or I can't do that because I don't know enough about money. Really is that limiting and constrictive belief that then stops you from being confident to take the action. So when we can acknowledge the self talk that we have and start to reframe it, you can then start to take back your power as an individual, to take control of your money, and start to shed that shame, shameful feeling that you have so the impact of negative self talk, we really need to shift that. You know it's not serving you, it's not for your highest good. It is not making you feel good, and it's keeping you in that cycle of feeling negative and down and down on yourself all the time. So it's time to reframe. It's time to build yourself up. It's time to open yourself up to learning new things and stop being so hard on yourself.
The third part is creating a shame free space. Now I know that when I am around other business owners, women in particular, and particularly my friends, I feel like I am in a really safe environment, and I feel like I am able to share openly without the fear of judgement or the fear of shame. And I know that I get caught up in particular with them. Saying things about myself that I wouldn't say about my daughters or anybody else. However I am speaking to myself in that way, and I suppose when you have that community around you and you have a shame free zone. Those people around you can pull you up and they can share that. You know, this is not nice. You're not talking to yourself in a nice way. You're not being kind to yourself, and you wouldn't talk like that about somebody else.
it's easy to get caught up in that space of you know, holding yourself out to have to know everything can be everything to everyone, and really having that guarded shield around you, protecting yourself because you don't want To be vulnerable. And if you did be vulnerable, then it would allow people to see the true you. And if you have a lot of shame around money and a lot of shame around not understanding, then that is really scary. You want to keep those walls up. I would challenge you, though, to create a space where it's shame free, it's an environment that is allowing open and judgement free discussions about money. I would put yourself into a space where you feel comfortable to share. You know, a lot of women in business feel like they can't let anybody else in, and they can't let anybody else know just what is actually happening inside their business or how they're managing their money, because if they're not making enough money, then what does that say about them? You know, the other thing is that people may be in significant debt, but on the outside, look like they have everything. Altogether. They look like their business is profitable. They look like they're cruising, they're happy, they're smiling, they're joyful. Yet behind them is a mountain of credit card debt that they can't jump over, or business loans or overdrafts, whatever that needs to be to be able to fund that lifestyle. So it's time to put yourself in a space where it is judgement free. You know you don't have to go and declare it to the world, but find a space where you can be totally open, totally vulnerable and allow yourself to have the conversations. Because when you can have the conversations, you then allow yourself to grow and learn about money, and the more we talk about it, the more we break down that barrier, that heaviness of shame, is lifted.
So the fourth part is accepting your financial mistakes. Now, we all have made terrible mistakes with money, and I feel this one in particular, because I talk about money, and because I am an accountant, I have this sometimes very unreal expectation on myself that I should be good with money and that I should know what to do, however, that word should carries a huge amount of expectation and a huge amount of pressure I am, just like everybody else, I have had to learn money. I have made some really stupid choices with money in the past. I have had credit card debt that I haven't been able to jump over. Though, the most important thing is that we learn from these mistakes. It's about addressing the inevitability of making financial mistakes and being okay with it. You know, these are things that happen. It doesn't determine my self worth, and it doesn't determine your self worth. It is just something that happens.
We need to encourage that mindset of making mistakes is a learning opportunity, and rather than seeing them as failures all the time, we can actually learn from them. And when you reframe it from a mistake to a learning opportunity, the guilt and the shame that surrounds that decision falls away. Now that doesn't mean that we don't make bad choices at all. It just means that we are accepting that bad choices sometimes happen, or bad financial decisions happen, and. And it's okay. It's ok learn from it and move on. It's not getting stuck in that space of never making a decision because there's fear that you might make the wrong decision. It's also about owning that decision that you've had to you know, I think that through my experience, when you can share what you've done right and what you've also done wrong with others, particularly in that shame free zone that we've created, that is a really powerful place to be.
And if you're in that shame free zone, being able to learn from others is really such a valuable thing, and I think business can be lonely sometimes, and you can really feel like you're on your own, but to have that community around you where it's okay for you to make a mistake, it's okay for you to do something that you probably wouldn't do in the future again, but you've done it. It's okay to own that, and then it's okay to share it, because it doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you stupid or dumb. It may be a stupid or dumb decision, but that doesn't make you stupid or dumb. So I think it's about reframing how we feel about those financial mistakes so that we can really elevate ourselves and move to the next level of that financial empowerment and embracing our financial vulnerability to move us through and improve our financial literacy.
So the last part is, you know, really personalising those financial decisions. When we're overcoming shame around our money conversations, it's really important to stress just how personal a decision is. You know, everybody's financial journey is different, and everybody has different experiences, perceptions, beliefs and experiences. So of course, our thoughts around money and our thoughts around financial decisions are going to be different. And I think when you can start to accept again, there's that word accept, accept that your financial decision is yours and it's nobody else's. Then the comparison items that we have about having to keep up with everybody else, or making sure that, you know, everything like other people do, starts to fall away, because we really need to focus on our own individual financial goals and circumstances, rather than comparing ourselves to everybody else. You know, keeping this perspective of this is what it is for me, and this is how it impacts my business and my family, will help reduce those feelings of inadequacy, and it will really foster that much healthier relationship with money.
Because we're talking about overcoming that stress and that shame around money and becoming financially vulnerable. It's about embracing that vulnerability. And nobody has a situation like yours. Yours is unique to you, and it's about how you need to go about building your unique financial goals and avoiding that comparison to others.
So there are my five things when it comes to embracing financial vulnerability and overcoming shame around your money conversations. So just to recap, the first part is understanding the money shame. The second one is the impact of that negative self talk. The third one is creating a shame-free zone. The fourth one is accepting your financial mistakes, and the fifth one is personalising your financial decisions.
When you can do those, the shame that you feel around money will start to fall away. Each part of this is a component that needs to go towards creating that stronger, more robust financial confidence. And it's all interlinked, as with everything with women, everything is connected. So to be able to look at each one of these five areas and recognize where it is that you need some help and support is really important.
So my top tips for overcoming money shame, first one is to acknowledge. It acknowledges your feelings, recognizes and accepts that money shame happens. Feeling shameful about your money happens, but it doesn't define you, and it doesn't make you worthy or less worthy. It's about understanding those feelings, and it's really part of the healing process, particularly around money and emotions and feelings.
So the second one is to reframe your negative self talk. We've already talked about the internal dialog that we have. Reframe those negative statements, like, I'm bad with money, or I can't afford it. I don't have enough for things, like, I'm learning how to handle money, or I am working towards understanding my money, or I can't afford that yet. You know, really change that negative self talk through a reframe, and those reframes will reduce the shame that you have. Openly engage in conversations, seek out those shame free zones, find that tribe of people that reduce that isolation and make you feel like you can trust them, because you need to be vulnerable, and then I would practise self compassion. It's about being gentle with yourself when you do make a mistake with your money, and recognizing that that one mistake doesn't define who you are. It is not the be all and end all, and mistakes happen. But it's about embracing that self care and self kindness, to move forward with whatever it is that you're doing without the burden of the money shame that you carry. Then the last part is building your financial confidence. So I would work on becoming comfortable with earning and receiving money. You know, there's work that you can do around visualisation and manifestation and creating a more abundant financial situation. It's also becoming financially literate and understanding where money comes and where your money goes, like, where are those leakages of your money disappearing each week, those small leakages, the miscellaneous incidental leakages really add up to be a whole lot over a year. And you know, you can change your relationship with money by putting in some processes and procedures that automate things to then take away that thought, because then, if you forget things, you're going to feel bad, which is going to bring about more shame, because you should do these things. But developing the strategies, developing those that have the confidence to set things up will really reduce that anxiety that you have around finances.
So that is really it for today, about embracing that financial vulnerability. We really need to overcome shame around money. We need to have more conversations around money. The more I talk about this, the more I have women opening up to me about how they're really feeling about money, and I just want to share that you would be surprised. These women are on the outside looking very confident, very strong, very empowered. However, once we start talking, there's a real vulnerability that comes out, and they don't feel confident, and they feel like it's easier to just put their head in the sand or hide under the doona so that they don't have to address these things. But that's where talking to somebody who can support you with money, like the work that I do with my clients, I provide that safe, free shame, free zone where we can just talk and learn and grow and empower, empower our money and our conversations to enable the women to feel confident. So if you are in that space where you are feeling not confident. You feel a lot of shame. You feel a lot of guilt around your money, that you should know more, or that you should be doing things differently. Then reach out, let me know, because you don't need to feel this guilt. You don't need to feel ashamed. There are ways that you can move around it. So I hope that that has helped today, I would love for you to let me know, send me a message. I'm on the socials everywhere, and let me know how you're feeling about your money, because we really need to have more money conversations. The more we have, the more we empower ourselves, plus we empower everyone around us. Particularly our kids. So let's be empowered. Let's remove this shame around money, and let's create an abundant, expansive and beautiful relationship with money.
